Has any trans* man ever decided to stop taking T within the first year because they realized that, for whatever reason, they didn't want to transition anymore? Do you think they were treated negatively because they changed their mind?
I don't know anyone personally, but perhaps T.R.A.N.S. followers can shed some light on this particular subject?
—Kai
I am a 20 year old FTM i am not out to my family or anyone at all. I have an ex girlfriend who i love and who still loves me. I father her son, but we have just joked about me being his dad even though she doesn't know about me. I use to tell my family as a child i was a boy, but they thought it was phase and always told me otherwise. I want to come out to her and my family, but i just don't know how i would do it or how they would feel about it. How you would approach this?
http://t-r-a-n-s.tumblr.com/coming_out
Hope this helps you!
—Kai
A Farewell
Hello followers!
I must unfortunately bid you all adieu. As you may have noticed recently, I started a blog on Wordpress that is more closely tied to the work I do in person. I have been finding that Tumblr does not serve my blogging needs as it once did, and I spend less and less time using it. I rarely even use my personal account for more than private posts and reblogging the occasional GIF. It’s not fair to represent myself as someone who is available as a resource on Tumblr any longer.
I will answer the questions I received as of 11PM on the east coast of the U.S., and then I will be leaving.
Farewell, goodbye, auf wiedersehen,
Kai
FAQ
FAQ:The next series of posts will focus on questions I have frequently been asked during workshops and training sessions over the last few years. Â There are questions about sex, coming out, surgery, an…
Sharing Is Not Always Caring
Sharing Is Not Always Caring:Up to this point, I've focused pretty intently only on talking directly with transgender people in safe spaces and educational settings. Â But what happens when you're out in "the real world" and ha…
Some Questions Should Never Be Asked
Some Questions Should Never Be Asked:As someone who considers themselves an educator, it seems counter-intuitive to tell people they can't ask certain questions. Educators are supposed to encourage learning and respectful challenges …
Qs About the T
Qs About the T:What is Qs About the T?
Qs About the T began as a workshop in 2008, as a means of introducing terminology and subjects related to trans* and gender-variant identities to queer and trans* allies. It has been presented at conferences and colleges as a means of exposing LGBT and queer allies to various issues affecting the trans* community. It has been well received at conferences such as the Long Island GLBT Services Network Conference, Civil Liberties and Public Policy conference, and has reached audiences from New Jersey to Massachusetts.
In an effort to reach a wider audience, I have decided to expand upon the initial workshop and create an internet-based space for discussing the social implications, challenges, and experiences of being transgender or gender-variant in the United States. As it develops, this blog will grow to include resources for allies, as well as a space for answering questions many people have concerning the lives and experiences of trans*-identified individuals. Though I cannot speak for the community as a whole, I am willing to provide answers based on my personal experiences and the knowledge I have accumulated over the years as a community educator.
I am by no means an expert. I simply have a substantial interest in deconstructing stereotypes, unveiling truths, and shedding light on the often misrepresented trans* community. I have dedicated a significant amount of time to issues affecting queerness and gender variance, both academically and socially. Having served as a youth leader, student org leader, and activist in myriad capacities, providing accurate and reliable information is something I value greatly. And as our world dives deeper into the age of the Internet, it's important for me, for many reasons, to continue working toward normalizing and demystifying the transgender and gender variant community.
For more information on the work I have done in the past, or for information on how I can help you educate others, you may email me at kaixmarkas@gmail.com.
Hi there! A friend of a friend is trying to get a new organization off the ground, so I’m...
I'm a Female-to-Male pre-op transsexual from Florida and no matter how much I research, I can't find information I need. I've got a friend going through hormone replacement therapy in GA right now who says the state no longer requires psychiatric testing beforehand. I'm desperate to know if FL is the same. I'm living in London until the Summer, so I can't go ask around myself. I've been this way since I was 12. I'm 26 now. It hurts to keep being forced to wait. I have to know.
You're talking about the standards of care, which no longer require individuals to seek counseling and therapy before pursuing medical transition. But that doesn't mean doctors aren't continuing to ask their patients to do it. Really it can be hit or miss, it all depends on the doctor.
If you visit LGBTcenters.org, you can search for an LGBT community center or wellness center that should be able to offer safe/reliable resources available in your area. It looks like there are 10 organizations spread out across Florida, so you should be able to find a group that can help you out.
Best of luck, and enjoy the rest of your time in London!
—Kai
Can you please explain to me what 'queer' means? I've seen it and just haven't quite figured it out. Thank you!
Queer can be many things. Queer can be a gender identity, or it can be a sexual orientation. The word itself means strange, odd, or different. People use queer as an alternative to more definitive labels, or as a way of describing an identity that doesn't fit neatly into other groups.
—Kai
I'm confused about where I fit with labels. I don't often use them, but for this I have to in order for people to understand. I was born female and sometimes love it. I like to look extra pretty and stuff. There are other days or weeks or months where I want to be a guy. I want to look like one and pack (I pump, too) and find a way of binding that doesn't trigger a panic attack. Sometimes I feel like a gay guy crushing on a girl. Others like a gay girl crushing on a girl. What do I call this?
I find that, when in doubt, queer works pretty well. If you don't feel like any other labels fit, or you're not really sure what label you identify with, queer is a decent alternative. It sure beats explaining yourself to every person who asks your gender/sexuality. It also happens to be how I describe myself, as opposed to FAAB masculine person who dates women. When you say "queer," it can mean anything other than cisgender and/or heterosexual.
—Kai
So I'm MtF and my girlfriend and I have been going out for ten months now. The problem is she's so in love with the man she thinks I am that me even talking about transitioning upsets her. She doesn't hate trans people, she just isn't attracted to women and doesn't think she could handle my transitioning. I have no idea what to do.
You are not alone. Many people find that they lose partners during transition, because their partners can't handle the change in the trans* person's identity or their own sexual identity or both. However, sometimes it does just take people some time to come around to the idea and realize that their love is much greater than labels or an assumed identity.
I think that the most important thing you can do is make sure that you guys focus on truly communicating through this process. As well, be completely honest about what you expect from your transition.
I would just educate her, if at all possible. Help her to understand that the essence of who you are is not changing. If that ends up not being enough for her, you have to figure out what's best for you.
Also, ask about her specific concerns with the transition. Is it that she doesn't think she can handle being seen as a lesbian couple? Is it that she's afraid about certain aspects of your relationship changing? It'll help you navigate better to find out the root of her concern and discouragement.
Some people decide their relationships are more important than transitioning and that they would rather stay with the person they are with. My personal opinion is that that decision brings in the issue of you never truly reaching your full potential because you have this ongoing issue that you are dying to do something about.
If you're not completely whole as a person (which many people feel they are not if they don't explore transition) then how can you really have as fulfilling of a relationship as most people desire.
Lastly, most of us struggle with feeling like we will never find someone who truly loves us for who we really are. It's kind of a given with the territory. However, that's not true. I've found that most of transition is about learning to love yourself and when you get to that point, other people can't help but do the same.
I wish you the best of luck with this tough situation.
<3 Roxxi
I am 15 years old and recently was able with the support of my boy friend to come out to my parents about being trans. My sex is male but inside I feel like a girl. The only problem is that when I came out to them they seemed genuinely suppised (question section 1)
(excuse my spelling plz) and said i had shown no signs of it in my child hood. The thing with that is I always have been someone who spoke up about any thing but this so it has them a little confused. Questions came up like " how come you never dressed like a girl?" And " you never played with dall's" but the truth is that when ever I was asked to play a girl in a play I would and I would love the dress and wish i could wear it every day. And although we had dall's I still love to be creative more, so dall's Were not on my mind much. Is this normal?
Very. What your parents described is called the dominant narrative—a fairly common story that has received the most attention, and what most people assume must be true for every transgender person. It's not true for everyone, and it doesn't make you any less trans* if your life doesn't follow it.
Also, just a reminder: there's no such thing as normal. "Normal" is a concept used to suppress difference and individuality.
—Kai
on top of being trans, i also have a slew of mental illnesses. i've been to around 20 therapists and my most recent ones have decided they can't treat me anymore (i'm completely unresponsive to any medications; i've taken so many since i was 8). but because these therapists won't see me, the only GI doctor in my state refuses to see me because my dysphoria and depression (specifically) has gotten so bad, i'm a "risk." so no transition. & no one around me bothers with pronouns. i give up. done.
That's really bizarre. Have any of your counselors considered that part of your difficulties with mental health might be related to your dysphoria and depression? As in, depression caused by dysphoria? That all seems like a crock. Also, did they explain what they meant by "risk" ? Because if they think you're going to take on transition and then change your mind, they really need to read up on the statistical probability of that happening.
Keep on people about pronouns. Don't give up. You have a right to be treated like a human being, and that means being gendered properly.
If I were you, I would just start calling everyone by the wrong pronouns. And when they ask you why, tell them if they don't have to respect you, you don't have to respect them. That might instigate an argument or two, but it might make some people actually think about how they gender you, and inspire them to change.
—Kai
Im moving out of my family home soon and im going to be going full time and i wqs just wondering if you or any of your followers know chester (uk) or the area well? What is it like for queer people? is it rough? etc, thanks.
Followers! What know you about Chester in the land across the pond?
Hi! Im a transguy and i came out to my parents a few months ago and i really want to ask them or tell them about a top surgery but i dont know how, any sugestions? im 19
You can use the same approach as coming out. Let them know what you're thinking about, tell them the information you know, try to be calm and patient, know your conversation limits, keep an open mind, and have resources available for them to explore on their own.
best of luck to you :)
—Kai
I want to go to gender therapy before coming out to anyone, esp. my parents. Most of the gender therapists in my state are 4+ hours from where I live. I'm still in high school and dependent on my parents, so I can't start therapy for at least another year. I'm frustrated because I live in a small, conservative city with no support for LGBTQ people. Do you have any advice on how to deal with the wait? :/
Personally, I would spend my time planning exactly what I want to do once I have the means and opportunity. For example, I would work on a transition timeline, or research safe and supportive areas to live one day.
To pass the time, you can do lots of things. Maybe get a part-time job to start saving some money, or to go out and do the things you enjoy doing. You could pick up a new hobby, or immerse yourself in one you already have. If you're the athletic type, maybe see if there's an intramural or community sports team you can join. Exercise. Ride a bike. I don't normally support escapism, but start a reading list and get lost in some good fiction. Go to the movies. Keep a journal. Take a class or seminar at the community center or library in your area. Join an extracurricular at school.
Find something you're passionate about, and do it for a little while every day. The time will fly by.
—Kai
Sometimes I forget that I'm not just a regular Guy. But only for brief moments in which I'm not thinking.
Yeah, that was pretty much what I thought when I read that ask. I suppose there are brief moments when you're not thinking about it, but, at least in my experience, there's always something to remind me that I'm not cis. I'm OK with that reminder, but that doesn't mean everyone is OK with it.
Thanks for your input!
—Kai
Im starting to hate school more and more. First of all i am a ftm and i have to use the nurses bathroom at school because they cannot allow me in the mens room which is ridiculous. Second, teachers constantly use the wrong pronouns even when i tell them over and over i am a boy. And people still tell me i can never be a boy because i dont have a dick. How many times do you think i have heard that one. I just want to dissapear and never show my face again.
Have you filed a complaint with your school? Teachers are required to treat students with dignity and respect, regardless of your gender identity, gender presentation, or sexuality. If you are not receiving equal treatment, if you feel that your rights are being violated, follow proper protocol, but don't give up. If you need to, contact the ACLU. They can help you with ensuring you receive equal treatment from your teachers and administrators.
And, for the record, there is no law saying you can't use the mens room. If the school is requiring you to use the nurse's bathroom, and you're finding it interrupts your learning, they can't force you to use it. It disrupts your right to receive an education.
If you have fellow students talking to you about your genitals (what parts you do or don't have) that is called sexual harassment. If your school is not addressing the sexual harassment you are receiving, you can press charges.
—Kai
Ummm...hi. I'm a college undergrad and I've recently decided to make an appointment with a behavior psychologist about gender Dysphoria. I'm not a male, that's not my identity, I don't feel that way, I don't feel like I look how I want, my underparts feel gross, etc. Hopefully I'll feel comfy with hormones. I'm curious about dorm life. I'm in a tiny ass liberal arts school in Texas, I don't really know many trans people. I'm kinda anxious.
You may want to check in with your residence life or student life department. Also, check with any student organizations that organize around issues of sexuality and gender. They should be able to help you out with finding resources, both on- and off-campus. You don't have to out yourself during any of these inquiries, just say you're looking for the information.
You might want to consider reaching out to trans* organizations, either local to your home, school, or work. That way you can meet other trans*people.
—Kai
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